All day, I have been reminded of my brother in-laws tattoo that says something along the lines of, 'life tends to unfold itself as it should." As I am getting older and settling into adulthood, I can't help but to agree with that quote. I feel like I have spent so much of my time trying to plan. High School was about planning my future--I wanted to be married by 21, have kids at 23, finish college...etc. Once I had Elijah (at 23 by the way) it only felt natural to move out of an apartment and into our first home (and our own mortgage) which would be temporary because in 4-5 years we would sell and move into a bigger place...
It has been the moments where plans have fallen through that I have seen the Lords hand really visible in my life. I am a music conductor. When I am conducting music I get to create music by calling upon individuals in the ensemble to produce a particular sound. For instance...if I would like to hear more saxophone I could reach into the ensemble and call upon to saxophone section to play louder/fuller. I can also move my hands in a manner that would ask everyone in the ensemble to play shorter, softer, faster, slower, etc. I like to tell my students that I am the puppet master and they are my puppets. If they are following my correctly, the sound that the audience hears will be a representation of the musical image that I have in my head.
I mention this because I feel like the moments that I am letting life unfold or reveal itself as it should are the moments that Heavenly Father becomes the conductor of my "song"
When I got pregnant with Elijah, I had not yet finished my bachelor's degree at WWU. I had every intention of finishing my student teaching after he was born but would I really finish? The day came to say good-bye to my new baby and to enter the classroom--it was heartbreaking. I felt like I was fighting everyone of my instincts, "how could I abandon my new baby? Was this what I was really supposed to be doing? A couple of days into the program and I was given the confirmation that everything was as it should be. I needed to finish and so I did. What a huge blessing this has been in my life. Because I fought to finish, I have been able to see Heavenly Father open up so many doors for me. I believe that Heavenly Father created a teaching position for me. I have the opportunity to teach band/orchestra mon-thurs mornings from 7:30-8:40. While this may not seem like much to everyone else, it is perfect for me. This position gives me the opportunity to show the world what I can do as a teacher. It reminds me of the sacrifices I made years ago and it helps me remember what a blessing it is to work and then come home to be the mother of my children. I feel like I get the best of both worlds--I am a stay at home mom who works in the mornings/evenings teaching music.
Aaron and I are coming upon change. I can feel it...the air in the room is different, we are being prepared for something new. I am not sure what this means. I don't know if we will continue living in our little condo in lynnwood or if we will move. I am not sure if aaron will continue working at his job. I can tell you one thing...this time, I am ready to let Heavenly Father take control. Instead of making plans, I want to follow plans. If Heavenly Father feels like we need to be called upon to do something else...I hope that Aaron and I are prepared enough step it up.
What will this song sound like? ...I guess we will just have to see.